i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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