At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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