I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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