Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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