whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize