Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
