I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
