just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
