My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently you make a good broom.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
