My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
