We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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