I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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