so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
