I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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