so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
