I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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