bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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