I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
