Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Floor bacon is actually really good
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
