Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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