well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
