Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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