o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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