I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In other news, I just burned my penis
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize