Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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