If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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