So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Boobs speak an international language.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
