the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize