I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
