My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
