Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
