How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
