Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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