I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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