New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
