he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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