My Higher Power is John Stamos
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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