just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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