This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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