You just made me feel so damn special
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
