Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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