one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
This is classic penis vs brain.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
