we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Everyone says I win the strip club
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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