I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
