I'm laying in your front yard are you home
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
