I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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