Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
