she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
