So drunk its hurt
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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