if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize