What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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