those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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