i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
