but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
