I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
pop tarts are not kleenex
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
we're so committed to being not committed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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