Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
