My hand turned me down
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This is classic penis vs brain.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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