You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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