Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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