It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
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