I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
