YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
