it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
