TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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