Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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