i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
