Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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