your parents love me but you hate me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
