i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
