Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
